


All or Nothing

by JennaLee



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-19 12:50:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4747082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaLee/pseuds/JennaLee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You chose her but you couldn’t let me go. You wanted everything, and that’s not fair to either of us.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	All or Nothing

Rhett gripped his own thighs and dug his fingernails in so hard that it hurt. The pain was sweet, but the ache in his heart was anything but. Link drove them up the long winding road to a lonely scenic lookout on the side of the mountain. The valley below with the city laid out before them was spectacular in its twilight splendour. Blurry rainbow lights were swaying, moving, twinkling like stars, only they drowned out all the real stars above with their glamorous artificial power. The lie was always stronger than the truth. Why was that the way of the world? 

Rhett’s legs were numb when he climbed out of the car. Link never looked at him, just walked to the edge and put his hands on the metal rail, leaning out over the drop, the breeze stirring his raven hair. He was beautiful. _Beautiful and heartless._ Rhett longed for him, an ancient hurt, a gaping chasm in his soul that hurt worse than anything he’d ever known. 

Link’s upper body curved over the rail, eyes closed and hands spread wide as if he meant to fly, and Rhett’s heart seized in terror. In four huge strides he was behind Link, pressed up against his back protectively. The smaller man inhaled sharply and flinched as if burned, but Rhett tucked his face into the sweet smelling hair and refused to let him go. He put his arms around Link’s trim waist and bracketed his legs within his own. _We fit together so well._ Link seemed almost hypnotized and didn’t offer resistance when Rhett kissed the back of his neck.

The skinny jeans he wore became even tighter as Rhett allowed himself to picture what Link looked like naked and spread out for him on the pure white sheets of his bed, all sin and innocence. Rhett had pleasured Link in the car but the man hadn’t reciprocated the act, and the resulting frustration made him slow to acknowledge the growing coldness he sensed in Link. “It’s so pretty here,” Rhett tried in a coaxing tone. _It could be romantic, if you’d warm up and let me love you._ Restless, his fingers slipped under Link’s shirt and rubbed circles on the warm bare flesh. He wanted nothing more than to take Link home and strip him bare, lay him down on his bed and cover him with kisses until he begged for more. 

But Link’s body was tense and unyielding. “Rhett, stop. We’re in public. What are you doing?”

“You call this public?” When he saw Link’s jaw twitch angrily, he changed his tone. “Do you want to go somewhere else with me?”

“I should have just brought you home,” Link sighed, resigned.

Rhett winced. Rejection always felt like a punch to the gut, no matter how experienced he was with it. “Don’t you want this? I thought…” _What was I thinking? That it was different this time? That he’d take one look at the pretty sunset and declare his eternal love for you? Life isn’t a movie._ Being a hopeless romantic was rarely beneficial.

“No.” Link tried to pry his arms off, but Rhett didn’t want to budge. A red flush crept into Link’s cheeks, a sure sign that he was quickly crossing from frustrated to outright pissed off. 

“You brought me all the way up here just to stand here and talk?” Rhett turned Link around and leaned in to kiss him anyway. Link didn’t react at first but soon he was kissing back just as eagerly. There was no finesse or technique, only lust and desperation. _You love me too, you do, I know it, why do you lie to yourself?_

It was heaven, but it ended too abruptly. Link gasped into his mouth and reared backward, eyes glazed. “I said no.” His voice was feeble, his full pink lips swollen and slightly parted. Like a man waking from a dream he blinked rapidly and scrubbed his eyes to compose himself. With more conviction, Link added, “Back off, Rhett.”

“Why?” Darkness was falling over the valley yet Link’s face seemed to glow all on its own. The city lights were dim and colourless compared to the man before him. It had been over thirty years since the two men had met, yet somehow Rhett still felt himself blindsided by the striking singular beauty of Link’s defined features. That strong jaw, lively laughing mouth and inquisitive eyes. Now his mouth tightened into a thin line and those eyes were all flint and steel, ready to ignite. Rhett refused to back down. When Link did not answer, Rhett tightened his hold on the man’s waist. “ _Why,_ Link? How can you push me away now after what we just did in the car? You owe me an explanation at least.” _A thousand explanations, for every time you’ve done this and every lie you’ve told._

“Because I said so!” Link burst out. “Because it’s wrong. I’m still married. And because – ”

“– you know you’ll like it too much. Why can’t you just admit that you want this?” Rhett gritted his teeth as the tears came unbidden. “I love you, Link. We’re meant to be together. Jessie knows it, too. That’s why she’s always been so understanding. Everyone can see it but you.”

“She only knows because you told her what we’ve done.” 

“What we _do_ ,” Rhett corrected sharply. “But you haven’t told Christy. You need to – ”

“You need to stop telling me what to do, okay? You don’t understand – you can’t possibly know – ”

Rhett laughed bitterly. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand. You’re still stuck on this idea that our love is wrong. That loving a man means there’s something wrong with _you._ ” 

“Stop.” Link’s chest was heaving. “Shut up. I can’t do this, I didn’t bring you here for this. I can’t – ” He turned to flee back to his car, but Rhett caught him by the arm and yanked him back. “Get off me!” he cried.

“No.” Rhett pulled him close and tilted his chin upward with a finger, forcing him to look up into Rhett’s eyes. “Why didn’t you say no when I went down on you fifteen minutes ago, huh? It’s easy for you to take what you want and ignore the consequences for everyone else, isn’t it? You’ll let me blow you but yell at me for wanting to cuddle you after.”

“Nothing about this is easy for me!” Link shouted, his hands curling into fists to flail at Rhett’s shoulders. “Stop it, Rhett!”

He sounded as frightened as a little boy, and that wasn’t fair. He was no innocent. “You’re a coward.” Rhett had thought this for many years, although it was the first time he’d accused Link to his face. “You hate yourself for being too scared to stay with me from the beginning, and you hate yourself for cheating on your wife.”

“You…you…” Link’s face flushed with shame and he made another attempt to push Rhett away. Whatever insult he had on his lips did not come, though his mouth twisted in the attempt to hold it back.

Rhett wouldn’t let him struggle free. “Don’t run away like you always do. I don’t know how you sleep at night with the hell you put me through every day. These mind games are torture. One minute you’re encouraging me, flirting with me, and the next minute you tell me we’re just friends. You’ll climb into my bed in the middle of the night, but when I try to kiss you in the morning you push me away and look at me as if I’m crazy. I don’t know how you go home and lie to your wife and tell her that I’m fine, you’re fine, work is fine, nothing happened, you’re the same loyal, caring man you’ve always pretended to be – ”

Link hit him open-handed across the face. The sound cracked loudly and echoed across the valley. Rhett released him and staggered backward from the force of the blow. Shock struck both men dumb for a long moment. All the colour had drained from Link’s face.

“Did that feel good?” Rhett asked him bitterly, rubbing his cheek. “You can stoop pretty low sometimes, but that might’ve been a new record for you.”

The smaller man was staring at his palm, his mouth hanging open. “Oh, gosh, Rhett, I didn’t mean to – I swear, I – ” 

“Oh, stop it, you know you’ve hurt me a lot worse than that.”

When Link squeezed his eyes shut as though fighting back tears, Rhett felt a sickening twist of satisfaction. He’d shed so many of his own tears because of Link that it seemed only fitting to watch him endure the same thing. 

“What do you want from me?” Link managed. “I can’t tell her now. It’s too late…she would never forgive me, never…”

“You know what I want. Have I ever lied to you? All these years, I’ve told you, the only thing I’ve ever wanted is consistency. All or nothing. You’ve turned me down, used me, ignored me, and yet you keep leading me on. What do _you_ want? Do you even know? ‘Cause it seems that all you want to do is hurt me. You seem to like it. But I’m not your fucking toy. I’m in _love_ with you, Link, and God knows why with how you treat me sometimes!”

“Let’s just go home,” Link said pathetically. “Get back in the car, and we’ll just – ”

Rhett bulled over him, past caring. “You kissed me and we made love in your bed the day before you told me you were getting married. Then you cried on the morning of your wedding and told me that you were making a mistake and it was too late to go back. Do you remember that? Does it hurt to think about? You still didn’t let me have you. You chose her but you couldn’t let me go. You wanted everything, and that’s not fair to either of us.”

Link mouthed the word _stop_ , seemingly unable to speak. He put his hands to his ears but Rhett only spoke more loudly.

“Would hitting me again help you forget? Help you close your eyes like you always do? Go on. Do it. Fucking do it. Beat me up for all I care. And then you can go home to your perfect little family and tell them you had a lovely fucking time with your _friend_ and that nothing is wrong. You’re selfish, you know that? You love attention, you love being wanted, and you’re too selfish to do the right thing and make your choice.”

“That’s not fair. You did the same thing! You’re married too!”

“And I’ve been honest with my wife from the beginning about who I am, and who you are to me,” Rhett declared quietly and honestly. 

Link said nothing. He did nothing. His blue eyes were full of a sharp anguish and Rhett wished he could hold him tight and kiss him until his pain went away. But the man had made it very, very clear that this could never be. Link didn’t need any more coddling. He deserved the pain and the misery his actions caused. And Rhett would not, and could not, handle any more of this backhanded treatment. _How many times have you told yourself that, and still went crawling back for more?_

Rhett waited for a reply that did not come, and then gave up. “If you’re not man enough to deal with this, then take me home.”

Link did what Rhett said. For once. 

When they reached Rhett’s empty house, they both got out of the car. Rhett was surprised; he’d expected Link to peel away with a squeal of his tires. The brunet slouched awkwardly, hands jammed into his pockets and his head held low. It was so unlike Link that it was almost frightening. _Smile for me. Hug me. Kiss me right here, outside where anybody could see,_ Rhett prayed. _Tell me that you’re sorry. Tell me that you love me best, that you’ll never hurt me again, that we can be together soon. Tell me how much you loved it when I went down on you in the car in the back lot of that Denny’s, your fingers in my hair._

“Well?” Rhett finally said. “Don’t you have anything to say to me?” 

Link said nothing. He couldn’t even meet Rhett’s eyes. 

_All you have to do is hold me and tell me that you’re sorry. Despite all you’ve done, you still have my heart, always._ When was the last time he’d felt so helpless? Rhett loathed the way Link could break him down and reduce him to this. Nobody else in the world could torment him like this and still have Rhett trotting after them like an eager puppy too stupid to know any better master. Even now, even after all the pain and misery, Rhett would forgive Link in a heartbeat if he would only have the humility to ask. It wasn’t healthy, and it had to end.

He could feel more tears burning his eyes as he wiped a hand over his face roughly. “I love you. I _love_ you. But I can’t let you do this to me anymore. You need to make a choice.” 

Silence lingered for a long minute. Link’s hands clasped together in front of him, fingers reaching to caress his wedding band. Rhett knew what the answer was without Link having to say a single word.

The taste of the man’s seed was still on his tongue. “Goodbye, Link.” Rhett hardened his heart against the man who he had once thought to be his best friend in the world. The greatest man he’d ever met. When he turned and walked away, he didn’t look back. 

*

Link had thought that nothing could cut deeper than fear. Now he knew better. Shame. Remorse. The knowledge that it was his hand wielding the blade that had been cutting away at Rhett for countless years, killing him slowly. The knife that had hacked his marriage vows to pieces, destroying the honour and trust bestowed upon him by the trusting woman who had loved him wholly and truly.

Somehow he dragged himself back to the car and drove almost blindly back to the scenic lookout. The night air was laced with the hauntingly sweet fragrance of the brickellbushes growing amongst the rocks and he breathed in deep to take it in, remembering how he could smell soap and skin and man when he nuzzled into Rhett’s collar. The big man’s presence was everywhere and he could not escape it. Link’s hand tingled where it had struck Rhett’s face. Though the night was warm, he was cold. He’d lied so many times he wasn’t even sure where the truth was anymore. There was a time when he’d known himself, but that time was long gone. Who would still love him if they knew everything he’d done? Only him. Only Rhett. They were two parts of one soul. Fate had brought them together as children, but Link had spit in Fate’s face and ruined everything. Rhett had been right all along. As usual. _He’s supposed to be mine, he could have been mine. He wanted all or nothing. He would have given me everything, if only I wasn’t such a coward._

“I love you. I love you more than anything. More than her.” The words he somehow could never bring himself to say to Rhett’s face came easier with nobody to hear. “I want…I want _you._ Only you.” _You had him, and you lost him,_ a cruel voice whispered in his head. _You hurt him. You destroyed him. And you never even said you were sorry._

“All or nothing,” Link murmured. A few loose rocks skittered noisily down the sheer rock face as Link’s shoe touched the edge of the cliff. The metal guardrail trembled beneath his weight as he squeezed it tightly. Or was he the one trembling? The drop beyond was so dizzying that it made him nauseous. He couldn’t even see the bottom. Maybe it never ended. Link closed his eyes but the world kept spinning.

“I’m sorry, Rhett,” he whispered to the empty air. 

_~fin_


End file.
